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(00:00) Alison McGregor describes how she had no bereavement support when her twin son Alex died. She was also sent for a medical check up to a ward where pregnant mums were waiting to be checked. She never went back.
(01:20) Dr Judy Richards explains her research showed how families were desperate for emotional support from medical staff.
(02:43) Dr Janette Berrington mentions how she tries to see things from the bereaved family's perspective, and judge what support they need and the importance of acknowledging their loss.
(03:46) Janette Proud says people were not sensitive to her bereavement. They saw it simply as their job, referring to her twins as Twin 1 and Twin 2, no names.
(04:31) Dr Nick Embleton explains how lots of premature twin sometimes come from other hospitals, so they have not been able to build a relationship with the parents. This makes it more crucial for staff to enquire and appreciate their back story.
(06:36) Nadia Leake describes how after being transferred from London to a hospital in the North-East, none of the staff enquired about their twin loss and the support they might want.
(08:55) Alison describes the trauma of having to repeatedly narrate the loss of her twin baby to staff, with one nurse replying, "You're lucky to have atleast one baby."
(10:05) Nurse Sarah Stephenson says they always try to remind staff of the twin status, and the names of the babies to make it real and personal.
(10:40) Dr Janette Berrington tries to acknowledge that the baby is still part of the family despite its death.knowledge that the baby is still part of the family despite its death.
3. Acknowledging bereavement and twin-ship
Most parent’s value continued acknowledgement that a surviving baby is a twin, and appreciate it when others refer to both their twins by their names. Some feel that their loss is underestimated because of a tendency of others to try to be positive and focus on the surviving twin. Generally parents welcome the opportunity to discuss the twin who died and ‘permission’ to grieve for their loss, while still celebrating their surviving baby. Very importantly, avoid any sense that the parents are “lucky to have one”.
- Ask parents if they want their surviving baby to be referred to as a ‘twin’
- Find out the name(s) of any babies who died and use this in conversation
- Record parent’s wishes in notes, and communicate with other team members
- Ask parents if they would like to use a butterfly cot card on the surviving twin’s cot, and if they would like to write the name of the twin who died on it
- Never say “you are lucky to still have one”
I can’t even remember being asked about my bereavement.
The nurses didn’t know anything about our baby or us.
We weren’t ready for happiness. We still had a funeral to plan.
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